So desperate for love...

... It makes your heart hurt. (Just an observation.)

Lemonhead

If someone's hating, you're doing something right.

the Universe loves me.

Two trains of thought: First, It's a very hard thing to think about yourself as being nothing more than a microscopic speck in a massive portrait of all things. Second, It's very easy to make yourself out to be the center of the Universe, feeling as though all your woes are the most important and detrimental. I think the easily misconstrued component is having a negative mindset about events and understanding that it ultimatly effects the way things turn out for you. A person giving off negative energy attracts other hurt and negative people. I notice this when meeting new people, it's pretty easy to pick up on vibes and notice negativity after only talking to someone for a couple minutes. If you're happy and you're talking to someone who isn't, it comes off as threatening. I think to myself, "somehow this person is going to try to suck the positivity out of me and I need to get away from you." No one likes to party alone, that's why misery loves company. I like it when people say, "I don't know why this always happens to me." That somehow this external force has it out for you, cursing you with a life of pain while it's quite the contrary, it comes from within. You are in complete control of everything involving you, it's actually one of the only things, we as human beings have control over. You shouldn't have to rely on something or someone to make you happy, people pick up on that, no one wants to be someone's savior or to be responsible for the happiness of another. If you find yourself getting caught up in this vicious cycle, you can't wonder why those "bad things" always happen to you, you're just attracting the wrong energy. If you feel like you don't deserve to be happy because of things you've done in the past, guess what... you're not alone. If you feel as though the World is judging you, they're probably not. Those other people are probably just as focused on themselves as you are about yourself. You should feel happy because you're happy with you. When you feel this way, you become more attractive to others, they want to get to know and be around you. The one thing I remind myself of, is 'I am an important microscopic speck in a massive portrait of all things and the Universe loves me.'

High Five

Oh Bother!

(Photoshop Practice: Bear)

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Echo

I don't know what it means to be me.
So, why the fuck do I want to be like you?

:)

It's Dec. 01 2011

Swimming in the Sea of Doubt

Sometimes I want to say things but worry about the bridges I'd burn, the people I'd hurt. I'd like to put some ink on my forearm but worry about the doors that would close (being judged on appearance instead of talent.) I want to venture out and expand my concept of the World but worry that I won't be able to find my way home. Doubt can be a crippling thing and if I choose to let it dictate my life, what kind of "life" will I have lived.

Just keep swimming (fuck that) running.

o.o

mom, the walls are bleeding again.

Ever spoken objects into existence, seen them float out your mouth and mold into things never imagined...
Ever built sky scrapers and city skylines with your singing voice...
Ever create a world just to learn the meaning of life...
Ever touch and understand sound with your eyes...
Ever travel to infinity, stretched out from a ball of yarn, Universe upon Universe, Galaxy beside Galaxy extended forever...
Ever have someone put their hand in your head and pull out what makes you hurt...

Ever seen yourself whisper into your ear and tell you something you've always refused to accept...

Have you ever had a bad trip, a nightmare you thought would never end?

"Come with me and I'll show you what it means to feel,

I'll show you things you couldn't dream were real"

Home Is Where the Heart Is

Say Hi To Madness

Some Memories Fade

... But you have a special way of reminding me what I've been missing.

I love it when this happens

Waking up after a nine month dream wasn't easy 

My body has grown accustomed to lifeless movement

My mind amplified with blissful assistance

I've been spoiled by fantastical imagery

No good comes from flying underground or sinking in the sky

You were right, nine months was too long

"Learn to let go but don't lose complete control

Your mind is a fragile thing and we can't use it if it's broken" 

I can no longer walk these sidewalks, the cracks are wide, and the air is thick 

The last thing I remembered was dancing with you...

The funny thing is, that's never been our thing

and hearts.

My Hero

My Friends Know You

It was expected and surprisingly pathetic.
The Rabbit never disappoints: he has the best connections, he knows the best spots...

travel.

downtown.

4fun.

Love Letter to Myself

I tried to write a book but I'm not a good writer. I tried to paint a portrait but doodles look like everyone. I've tried to speak and convey who I really am, all I see are blank expressions. I'm trying to think but I can't stop long enough to formulate a descent thought. Solitude is looking like a blessing, I'm dependent on the bad and risking my future. I've soaked it up, taken it in, now there's nothing left and I wonder; why it can't love me back? I'll forget it only for a minute like that good book on my shelf. I'll come back to it someday only to find that the cover is worn out, the pages have been folded and a note about how fucked up we all are is written on every page. I'm full of empty, high at night and blessed in the morning. I miss me.

(circa 2009)

Anything Shy of Chaos Is Just Boring

When I was little I watched tv shows and movies about heroes and villains. I would always root for the good guy, it never failed. I would wonder why I hated the bad guy so much, he or she is a person too with feelings and emotions. Yes, some of those feelings and emotions probably resembled something like hate and intended malice but there had to be a reason for it. Maybe they had abusive parents or experienced a series of traumatic events while growing up. I feel bad for the villain, I did when I was little and I do today. I've experienced what it feels like to be friends with a villain, who's main objective is to negatively effect one life at a time, ultimately resulting in a world full of Nancys. Maybe I'm giving too much credit, maybe some villains are just evil because they enjoy it, maybe it's a reason to get out of bed in the morning, or maybe anything shy of chaos is just boring.

Nom Nom

Aliens love Led Zeppelin.

Imagine sitting in a group of people and your back is turned to the darkness. Hearing a sound in the background, maybe it's smokey trying to play with the next door neighbor. I whistle, nothing. I whistle again and hear metal trays from the labor day BBQ. No smokey. Beer pong... sounds... what do you know? P.S. Vomit (not me ;)

Breaking Up, Just to Break it Down

As the Moon rises and I begin to retire, I can rest assured that the Sun will come out tomorrow and you'll still be a liar.

It's been a long time

Time is a fun thing to think about, one second it's here and then it's two second later. You never really think about time when you're doing something you really enjoy: like playing music, reading a book, or dancing in your room. You think about time at 2 P.M., at your work desk, while you're listening to someone complain. We plan for the future to hopefully make the best of our time, maybe it's all happening the way it's meant to. Maybe the idea of controlling time is impossible, maybe we just need to go with the flow and see what happens. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." - John Lennon

Sometimes it's all you need.

LOVE.

Clarity

The world as I see it... and loving every second of it.

I think, I think... Maybe... All right, Yeah I Do (Everyone Is A Hopeless Romantic)

An idea has formulated in my head, evolved into a thought, and has manifested itself in an unreachable corner of my mind. I'm in love with idea of being in love. I Think it exists and as years go by I become less sure. It has become a lost art and a treasure valued if found. I'll be waiting here for you with open arms and a tired smile.